This is the most crucial skill you can hone. To paraphrase the apostle Paul, “If I have all musical knowledge but do not listen, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. … Listening is patience and kindness, … not arrogant or rude. Listening does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Active listening takes time; that’s why patience is required. It means looking beyond a complaint to the underlying reasons: What is this unhappy person afraid of? Does she feel that she’s not being heard? What is this guy angry about? What’s going on in his life? Learning to tease out the unspoken problems and fears is the only way to get a true sense of what’s actually going on.

Not everyone is direct and outspoken; shyer, quieter folks often get overlooked, especially during difficult times in their lives. Asking one to help with, say, sorting Christmas music can provide an unthreatening time to listen for what’s bothering them.

But refuse absolutely to listen to gossip. If someone is trying to pass on some juicy gossip, say politely and kindly, “I’m sorry, I can’t listen to that. It’s just gossip and it’s hurtful. And please, don’t repeat it. Ever.” Refusing to listen to tittle-tattle, no matter what the subject, establishes you as a trustworthy person who protects confidences and respects the privacy of others. That, in itself, tends to become contagious