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Jesus prayed saying: “Holy Father, keep them in your name
that you have given me, so that they may be one
just as we are one”
(Jn:17:11b)

Feeling God in Vulnerability

Sometimes we understand things through their absence.

The experience of loneliness teaches us about love. Sometimes too the more painful the absence, the more we’re opened to what we’re missing. The more fierce and raging the loneliness, the bigger the cavern for love it creates inside of us.

Sensitivity also indicates life, humanity, depth, feeling, faith.

That’s true too for our understanding of God and what it means to draw life from God. If loneliness is what we feel when love is absent, what do we feel when God and grace are seemingly absent? And if loneliness stretches our hearts for deeper love, what does a feeling of God’s absence create inside of us?

We feel the seeming absence of God whenever we feel these things:

anxiety for no apparent reason,
feelings of guilt we can’t explain,
a helplessness we can’t do anything about,
fear of death, a nagging sense that something isn’t right,
a feeling that somehow we aren’t good enough,
a restless drive to make a name for ourselves,
a greedy need to drink in as much life as we can,
and the inchoate feeling that nothing’s enough, that we aren’t   
   enough, that life isn’t enough, that we’re standing on the edge of   
   nothingness.

At one level, these feelings can all be explained away as nothing more than neuroses, hang-ups, signs of immaturity, lack of robust health, lack of resiliency, over-sensitivity, as signs that we’re weak, over-timid, out-of-sorts.

That can be true, but sensitivity also indicates life, humanity, depth, feeling, faith.

What’s alive is sentient, tender to feeling. It’s what’s inanimate and dead that’s never crippled by feelings. Brute things don’t suffer anxiety, rocks don’t worry about betrayal, and self–centered egoists aren’t concerned about sin. To be anxious, uneasy, haunted by the unseen, and worried that somehow we aren’t good enough, can also be a sign of being in touch with something deeper, namely, of being sentient and attuned to the fact that we’re creatures and not God, and we must, therefore, be graced and justified by God in order to receive life and salvation.

What does that mean?

Catholics and Protestants have used different languages to explain this, though, in the end, we’ve both had much the same concept.

Those of us who were raised Roman Catholics, grew up with the notion of “grace.” For us, the key to living was to be always “in the state of grace.” The big worry was to die “outside of grace.” Negatively, we understood grace as the opposite of sin. Positively, we defined it as being alive inside the Body of Christ.

Protestants mostly used a different language (even as they wrote the timeless hymn, Amazing Grace). They spoke of “justification,” a concept they took from St. Paul. For them, life ultimately had meaning or not, and one entered heaven (or not) on the basis of being justified by God.

But what does that mean?

It isn’t an easy concept to grasp or explain. The biblical language is clear, but the concept, like most deep things, is not something we easily get our minds around.

   “Justification” (which can also be translated as “Righteousness”) is, first of all, something inside of God.

What?

We can only dance around its meaning.

It refers to a substantiality, a wholeness, a goodness, a perfection, and an immortality that we can’t imagine but can partially intuit through our experience of its absence. What are we missing that God has?

Classical theology defined God as “Ipsum Esse Subsistens,” self- sufficient being. God alone does not need anything outside of Self in order to come into existence and remain in existence. Everything else, including every human person, and humanity itself, needs someone or something outside of itself to be born and to stay in existence. Alone, all by ourselves, we lack a meaning and a goodness that we’re powerless to give ourselves. Alone we do stand on the brink of nothingness—and, when we’re sensitive and attuned to things, we know it!

What we lack is what’s inside God—substance, life, meaning, beauty, goodness, community, love. Only God can give these to us. Classically, for Roman Catholics, God gives them to us through grace; for Protestants, God gives them through justification. Either way, there’s no life, no meaning, and no future outside of this gift.

Ron Rolheiser


Used with permission of the author, Oblate Father Ron Rolheiser. Currently, Father Rolheiser is serving as President of the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio Texas. He can be contacted through his web site, www.ronrolheiser.com.

Art by Martin (Steve) Erspamer, OSB
from Religious Clip Art for the Liturgical Year (A, B, and C). This art may be reproduced only by parishes who purchase the collection in book or CD-ROM form. For more information go http://www.ltp.org